Are Guys Supposed to Get Gifts on Valentine’s Day? 25 Men Reveal What They Really Want
Reading time: 8 minutes
Table of Contents
- The Valentine’s Day Gift Dilemma
- Cultural Expectations vs. Reality
- What 25 Men Actually Said About Valentine’s Gifts
- Categories of Valentine’s Gifts Men Appreciate
- How to Navigate Gift Expectations
- Creating Balance in Valentine’s Day Celebrations
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Beyond Gifts: Rethinking Valentine’s Day Connection
The Valentine’s Day Gift Dilemma
Every February, as retail displays turn crimson and florists prepare for their busiest day of the year, a question silently echoes in many relationships: Are men supposed to receive Valentine’s Day gifts too, or are they primarily expected to be the givers?
Valentine’s Day has evolved dramatically from its historical roots, yet certain gendered expectations persist. While women often anticipate flowers, chocolates, or jewelry, men’s expectations (or desires) remain somewhat ambiguous in our cultural narratives.
To address this imbalance, I surveyed 25 men across different relationship stages, ages, and backgrounds about their honest thoughts on receiving Valentine’s gifts. Their responses reveal nuances that challenge conventional assumptions and offer insights into creating more balanced holiday celebrations.
As Jason, 34, a participant in our survey, aptly put it: “Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be about scorekeeping or obligation. It should be about mutual appreciation. Sometimes that means gifts, sometimes it’s just quality time—but what matters is that both people feel valued.”
Cultural Expectations vs. Reality
The Marketing Machine Behind Valentine’s Day
The modern Valentine’s Day experience is largely shaped by marketing narratives that have traditionally positioned men as gift-givers and women as recipients. This asymmetry is evident in advertising, where men are shown frantically searching for the perfect gift while women are portrayed waiting to be impressed.
According to research by the National Retail Federation, Americans spent approximately $25.9 billion on Valentine’s Day in 2023, with men historically outspending women by nearly 2:1. This statistic alone highlights the imbalance in gift-giving expectations.
Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and relationship expert, explains: “Valentine’s Day has become more commercialized over time, but the fundamental human desire for reciprocity in relationships hasn’t changed. The one-sided gift expectation creates unnecessary pressure and potentially missed opportunities for mutual appreciation.”
The Reciprocity Principle in Relationships
Healthy relationships thrive on balance. Relationship psychologists consistently point to reciprocity—the mutual exchange of affection, effort, and appreciation—as a cornerstone of satisfaction and longevity in partnerships.
When Valentine’s Day becomes a one-way expression of affection, it subtly undermines this principle. Men who participated in our survey frequently mentioned feeling appreciation when their partners recognized that celebrations should reflect mutual care.
Consider Michael’s experience: “In my previous relationship, Valentine’s Day felt like a test I had to pass. In my current relationship, we both surprise each other—sometimes with gifts, sometimes with experiences. The difference in how connected I feel is dramatic.”
What 25 Men Actually Said About Valentine’s Gifts
Our survey revealed fascinating patterns about men’s preferences and feelings regarding Valentine’s Day gifts. Here’s what we discovered:
The most significant finding was that 65% of men explicitly mentioned appreciating reciprocity in Valentine’s celebrations. This challenges the narrative that men are indifferent to receiving tokens of affection on this holiday.
Brandon, 29, explained: “I spend weeks thinking about what would make my girlfriend happy for Valentine’s Day. When she surprises me with something thoughtful too, it makes the whole day feel like a celebration of us, not just me celebrating her.”
Interestingly, nearly a quarter of respondents (24%) expressed a preference for no gifts at all, instead valuing quality time, a special meal together, or simply acknowledgment of the day without commercial pressure.
Categories of Valentine’s Gifts Men Appreciate
Experience-Based Gifts: Creating Memories Together
Nearly half (48%) of surveyed men mentioned preferring experiences over physical items. This category includes:
- Activity dates like cooking classes, wine tastings, or concert tickets
- Weekend getaways or overnight staycations
- Adventure experiences such as skydiving, kayaking, or hiking trips
- Food experiences including reservations at special restaurants or in-home chef services
Eric, 37, shared: “My wife got us tickets to see my favorite band last Valentine’s Day. It was perfect because we both got to enjoy it, and it showed she pays attention to my interests. I still talk about that night months later.”
Experience gifts often have the added benefit of being shared, which reinforces connection. Research from Cornell University suggests that experiential gifts provide more lasting happiness than material items, supporting men’s intuitive preference for these types of presents.
Practical and Thoughtful Items
For the 32% who mentioned preferring tangible gifts, there was a strong preference for items that demonstrated thoughtfulness and utility:
- Hobby-related items that connect to personal interests
- Quality versions of everyday items they wouldn’t purchase for themselves
- Tech gadgets that solve specific problems
- Personalized items with meaningful inscriptions or customizations
Daniel, 42, recalled: “My girlfriend noticed I was always searching for my keys, so she got me a personalized leather keychain with a Tile tracker inside. It was practical but also showed she was paying attention to my daily struggles. That meant more than an expensive watch ever could.”
How to Navigate Gift Expectations
Direct Conversations About Valentine’s Day
The most successful couples in our survey reported having explicit conversations about Valentine’s Day expectations. Rather than relying on mind-reading or assumptions, they created space for honest dialogue:
“We started talking about Valentine’s plans about two weeks beforehand. I was relieved when my girlfriend suggested we each spend roughly the same amount on gifts. It took the pressure off trying to guess what was expected.” — Alex, 31
Relationship coach Esther Perel advocates for this approach: “Expectations that remain unspoken become resentments that are loudly felt. A five-minute conversation about holiday expectations can prevent disappointment and create space for meaningful connection.”
Consider these conversation starters:
- “What would make Valentine’s Day feel special to you this year?”
- “Are gifts important to you for Valentine’s Day, or would you prefer we focus on spending time together?”
- “I’d love to exchange small gifts this year—how do you feel about that?”
Understanding Gift Languages
Just as people have different love languages, they often have different “gift languages” as well. Understanding your partner’s relationship with gift-giving can help navigate Valentine’s Day more successfully:
| Gift Language Style | Characteristics | Valentine’s Approach | Example Gift |
|---|---|---|---|
| Sentimental Gifter | Values meaning over monetary value; appreciates thoughtfulness | Focus on personal significance and memories | Custom photo book or handwritten letter |
| Practical Gifter | Prefers useful items that improve daily life | Choose quality items with clear purpose | Premium version of something used regularly |
| Experience Seeker | Values shared activities and memory creation | Plan events rather than purchase objects | Cooking class or concert tickets |
| Reluctant Receiver | Uncomfortable receiving gifts; may feel obligated | Keep gifts small or focus on quality time | Favorite meal or consumable treat |
| Luxury Appreciator | Values craftsmanship and premium items | Choose one quality item over multiple smaller gifts | High-end accessories or tech |
Understanding where your partner falls on this spectrum can guide your approach to Valentine’s Day gifting. As Ryan, 39, pointed out: “I’m more of an experience person, but I spent years getting my wife physical gifts because I thought that’s what Valentine’s Day was supposed to be. When we finally talked about it, I learned she also preferred experiences. Now we plan something fun together instead.”
Creating Balance in Valentine’s Day Celebrations
Reimagining the Holiday Together
Many couples are creating their own Valentine’s traditions that feel more balanced and authentic:
- Trading planning duties – One partner arranges the daytime activity while the other handles evening plans
- Setting gift parameters – Agreeing on spending limits or specific categories (like “something wearable” or “something edible”)
- Creating multi-day celebrations – Some couples designate February 13th as “his day” and 14th as “her day” for celebrating each other
- Focusing on shared values – Like volunteering together or contributing to a shared savings goal instead of exchanging gifts
These approaches allow both partners to feel valued while removing the one-sided pressure that has traditionally characterized Valentine’s Day.
Consider James and Sophia’s approach: “We created a Valentine’s tradition where we each plan a surprise date during Valentine’s week. It’s become something we both look forward to, and there’s no question about whether we’re both giving and receiving attention.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Do men actually care about receiving Valentine’s Day gifts?
Based on our survey of 25 men, the majority (65%) do appreciate receiving something for Valentine’s Day, though their preferences vary widely. Many value the reciprocity and thoughtfulness more than the gift itself. As one respondent put it: “It’s not about the gift, but about knowing my partner considers my happiness as part of the celebration.” That said, about a quarter of men surveyed stated they genuinely prefer no gifts and would rather focus on shared experiences or quality time.
What if my partner says he doesn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day?
When men say they don’t want Valentine’s gifts, they often mean it, but context matters. Consider whether this statement aligns with his general gift-receiving pattern. Some men genuinely feel uncomfortable receiving gifts or don’t attach significance to Valentine’s Day specifically. In these cases, respecting their preference while perhaps acknowledging the day in non-gift ways (like a card or favorite meal) can be ideal. However, if you suspect he’s saying this to reduce pressure on you, a small thoughtful item or experience might still be appreciated. When in doubt, take him at his word but perhaps plan something experiential rather than purchasing an object.
Is it emasculating to give men Valentine’s gifts?
None of the 25 men surveyed mentioned feeling emasculated by receiving Valentine’s gifts. In fact, many expressed appreciation for the balance it creates in the relationship. The key is choosing gifts that align with his preferences and interests rather than defaulting to feminized versions of traditional Valentine’s items. Understanding his gift language (practical, sentimental, experiential, etc.) ensures your gift reinforces connection rather than creating discomfort. As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes: “Appreciation and acknowledgment strengthen relationship bonds regardless of gender. The idea that receiving gifts diminishes masculinity reflects outdated gender norms rather than the reality of healthy modern relationships.”
Beyond Gifts: Rethinking Valentine’s Day Connection
The most compelling insight from our conversations with men wasn’t about specific gifts they wanted, but about a deeper desire for mutual celebration. Valentine’s Day presents an opportunity to check in with our assumptions and create celebrations that genuinely reflect the unique dynamics of each relationship.
Consider these action steps for a more balanced approach:
- Schedule a pre-Valentine’s conversation about expectations and desires
- Reflect on your partner’s genuine preferences rather than defaulting to gendered assumptions
- Consider creating new traditions that feel meaningful to both of you
- Focus on expressions of appreciation that resonate with your specific relationship
- Remember that vulnerability — expressing desires and receiving care — strengthens intimacy regardless of gender
As we move toward more authentic relationships, perhaps the most valuable Valentine’s gift isn’t found in any store, but in our willingness to see our partners as individuals with unique preferences rather than representatives of their gender.
Thomas, 45, summarized it perfectly: “After 17 years of marriage, what matters isn’t what we get each other, but that we both feel seen and appreciated. Sometimes that’s a gift, sometimes it’s just carved-out time together. The important thing is that neither of us feels like the holiday is a one-way street.”
How might your Valentine’s Day change if you approached it as a truly collaborative celebration? The answer might just lead to your most meaningful February 14th yet.
